So You Think You're America's Next Top Idol

I finally got around to watching the Seattle auditions for American Idol. I generally don't follow the show, although I have caught a couple other season's audition portions. When the show starts becoming about actual talent, I lose interest. Which may seem odd, because it's the same format as So You Think You Can Dance, which I enjoy. But it turns out that dancing is infinitely more entertaining to watch than singing.

Anyway, I was recently having a discussion with a friend about whether the fact that the show was just a thin cover for making fun of these people was okay or not. I say yes, it is.

These judges are not coming to you while you sing in the shower. Nor are they even criticizing your performance in Karaoke Revolution (although if you get the latest PS2 version, maybe they will). They're not even heckling you at your favorite karaoke bar. No. You decided that you were such hot shit that you flew from Kansas to audition on television in front of them, full well knowing that they got famous for saying nasty things to people just like you. The real problem? You don't know that you suck. Thank god we have a show where people finally get told just how much they suck.

The people auditioning for American Idol come from a generation that has grown up under the curtain of political correctness. In this fantasy world nobody ever says anything mean about anyone else. Ever. Somehow in the land of free speech unwelcome opinions have become the next WMDs. The result? Mobs of people whose self perception is so screwed up that they fly thousands of miles to audition for a singing competion where they're expected to be good enough to inspire millions of voters in order to win... when they're completely tone deaf.

For next time, here's your pre-flight checklist:

• Have you ever sung in front of other people before?
• Did these people enjoy your performance?
• Are any of the people who enjoyed your performance not your mother?
• Are you even slightly photogenic?
• Do you now or have you ever had any friends?

The show's name is American Idol. As in something worth worshipping. If you've got the balls to claim that you're worthy of America worshipping you, you'd better be ready for some criticism. Alas, it seems that 90% of our would-be demigods are freakishly disfigured trolls with no social skills, no taste in music, think being on key is "subjective," and can't tell that everyone else is laughing at them until some English guy says something mean.

More laughing at ourselves, less taking everything too seriously. kthx